A Eulogy for Dorothy Cloos

Dorothy Lucille Cloos (St. Germain), 101, passed away Dec. 8, 2023, and will be missed dearly by her vast and loving family. It was an honor to deliver the eulogy at her funeral at St. Raymond’s Church in Providence, RI, on Dec. 15, 2023. You can read her obituary here.

Thank you, Father Eddie. For everything. You have shown Grandma and the whole Cloos family such kindness over the last 20+ years. When she was no longer able to go to Mass, as she so enjoyed doing, you brought Mass to her. This means so much to us, and we so grateful for your support. 

My name is Kassondra and I am Dottie’s granddaughter.

I am standing before you today with an impossible task. I don’t say that lightly: I’m a journalist, and we are not allowed to throw around the words “impossible” or “unique” for just anything. But I have fact-checked it. Dottie Cloos was absolutely unique. It is impossible to adequately explain to you who she was in just a few minutes. So I’d like you to take a moment and just look around.  

This whole family is incredible. And it is so good to see you.

Yesterday, I saw so many of you who I haven’t seen in 10 or 15 years, and it was so easy to talk to you. Not only did you remember me, but you remembered things about me that made me feel seen and valued. Just like Grandma did. This is what everyone keeps coming back to: we may not have words to convey the depth of Dottie Cloos, but we have such feeling. She made us feel special. She inspired something in all of us that made us feel as unique as we know that she was.

And we have a whole family full of this magic! Grandma didn’t just love her family, she liked us. And can you blame her? We’re pretty great. I think she taught us well.  

For those of you who don’t know, Grandma’s children and her niece, Laura Tetreault, provided Grandma with tender, loving care, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the last five years. This was, truly, a labor of love. It was a gift that kept giving, and it was done with absolute devotion. In sharing your time with Grandma, she gave you the gift of her presence and her undying love, and together, you all gifted us with more quality time with her.  

When I was writing this yesterday, I surrendered to the weight of what felt like an impossible task. I reflected, and I asked Grandma to help me.

 I said, “Grandma, how do I do this? You are so special, and so revered. How could I possibly honor you in a way that captures your love, and our love for you, and does justice to each individual relationship you had with everyone in this room? Everyone has so much they want you to know, and so much they want everyone to know about you.”

And the words that kept coming to me were just, thank you. “Thank you,” and “I love you.”  

Thank you to Grandma, for showing us what it looks like to fully appreciate the blessing that is every moment we share together on this earth. But also, thank you from Grandma. She knew her family was special.

I feel compelled to tell you that as much as we want to show our admiration for her, she wants to express her gratitude and admiration for you. Aunt Mary told me this week that even when it became hard for her to speak, Grandma still took pains to articulate the words thank you. And I think she wants you to know, for all the times she said thank you every day, all the time, for all the little things, she also wants to say thank you for the whole of it. She loved life with you.

Just look at this amazing thing you have done together, because of Grandma. I know that it was not easy to rearrange your lives in the way that you did. But in doing so, you have shown all of us what it looks like to be driven by compassion and love, and to express it fully and unconditionally, even and especially when it is hard and requires sacrifices. This is who Grandma taught you to be. In taking that part of her with you, she can live on with all of us, forever. I have deep respect and admiration for every single one of you. And I know she is so proud of you. 

I know that a 24/7 care rotation was not easy. But when I visited, I only ever saw people who made it look easy, just as Grandma would have done. If you didn’t get to witness this, I wish you could have. I saw such tenderness in the interactions between Grandma and her children. It was beautiful to watch. And it was amazing, it was like, there was the world outside of Grandma’s house, and then there was the world inside of it, which did not follow the same rules. Whatever was happening outside of the house, whatever sacrifices were made, I know that all the love and affection my aunts and uncles and cousins showered upon Grandma was not done for show. This was a genuine, tender, unconditional, effortless, love, given freely and without compromise.

In giving this gift to Grandma, you gave all of us the gift OF Grandma. No one stays on this Earth for nearly 102 years by accident. This whole community was blessed with an entire century with this incredible woman because of you, and because of the love you all felt and reflected with her.

The best way you can honor Grandma is to take the time to ask her children about the moments they cherished with her throughout her life, and especially during the last five years. Grandma got much wittier with age, and everyone has a story to tell you that reflects their unique relationship with her.

Please, ask Aunt Laura about Grandma’s time as a Girl Scout leader. Ask Uncle Bill about how much he loved watching Jeopardy with Grandma and talking about the Lives of the Saints. Ask Aunt Susan about their shared and unshakable faith in God. Ask Aunt Mary about what Grandma had to say about the birds who ate her blueberry bushes. And ask my Dad, Frank, about the time he asked Grandma whether he was gaining weight, and she said “Well, when is your due date?

She wasn’t putting on a show, she was genuinely interested in everything you had to say. She had a beautiful and deep curiosity about even the smallest moments in her family’s lives. She didn’t just make you feel like you mattered to her, you did matter to her. This is why she read our letters and our cards over and over and over again, for years. Her love for us is as deep as our love for her.  

One story that Grandma’s children asked me to make sure I told was the story of her name. Her parents, Laura and Louis, brought Dorothy Lucille St. Germain into this world just shy of 102 years ago. Dorothy means “a gift from God,” and Lucille means “illumination.”  

We’re not sure whether “Dorothy Lucille” came to Laura and Louis as divine foresight or if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but there is nothing that captures her as well as her very name. She was and is a gift, and we know that her light will continue to guide us when we need it most.

I never got to meet Laura and Louis St. Germain, but I know Grandma adored them as much as we adore her. They must have been so, so special to create the six people who gave us each other. I hope we continue to cherish this passion for family for generations to come.  We have something way too special to take for granted.

So thank you Laura Cloos, thank you Bill, thank you Susan and Jim, thank you Mary, thank you Chalen, thank you Frank and Judy. Thank you, Laura Tetreault. And thank you to all of the nieces and nephews and cousins and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and friends and friends of friends who showed so much love. Grandma’s love for every single one of us is unique and unmatched. And in your honor, Grandma, we will share this gift forever.

Thank you.